im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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