He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
