Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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