Did you just see the Batmobile???
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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