Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
