Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
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had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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