I need help removing her.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
