i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
