he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
