im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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