I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
