Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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