Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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