he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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