IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
So many bounce houses so little time
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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