i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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