I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
