i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
