I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
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