i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Actions speak louder than pants.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
