we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I fill condoms, not promises.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
