Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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