So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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