I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
