Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
