what if every blade of grass was a penis?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
