just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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