I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
