but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
