he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
