true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
that's an acceptable place to lick
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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