I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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