Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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