How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
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Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
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Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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