You just made me feel so damn special
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
