Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
