I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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