Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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