he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
