Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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