Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
