dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
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So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
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You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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