oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
