Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
