it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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