girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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