lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
