i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
