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• (406): View more from Montana

  my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.

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• (305): View more from Florida

  Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.

  (786): View more from Florida

  How high are you right now..

  (305): View more from Florida

  I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.

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• (707): View more from California

  I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.

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• (662): View more from Mississippi

  What if our hands were octopus tentacles?

  (1-662): View more from Mississippi

  You're an idiot.

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  Did I run away from you last night?

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship

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• (212): View more from New York

  Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!

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• (727): View more from Florida

  "Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.

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• (818): View more from California

  I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?

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• (713): View more from Texas

  Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?

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