She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
