Non-Jews are for practice
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
