between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
