I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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