Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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