Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
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