i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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