i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
