You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
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The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
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Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
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