So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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