Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize