she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
